do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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