can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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