I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
