This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Randomize
