We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
