I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is Oprah even human
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
