Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
