wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
