I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
