Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Send help, water and tortillas.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
