put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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