so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
