You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
