I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
