when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
