Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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