ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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