He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
