Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i love accidental penises.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
