Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
