I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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