Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
