My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
