This girl is more easily done than said...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
