i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
