You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
