What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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