The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
