Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
