I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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