If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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