It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
