the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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