if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
