Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The best revenge is premature balding
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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