I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
