you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
