I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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