im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
