I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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