You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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