Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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