Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
