moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
