Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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