i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
