I accidentally burped into my bong.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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