We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
