I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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