I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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