I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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