I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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