Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
